Nobody Puts China in a Corner!

As this is my first Christmas in China (last year I went back to NYC), I was all prepared to deal with it by mostly ignoring it. Since people here mostly wouldn’t be celebrating it, I assumed, this wouldn’t be that difficult.

Ahahahahaha!

It turns out that, with the building of new shopping malls, comes Christmas – even to places where almost nobody knows what Christmas is. The number of new malls and fancy stores that have opened in my neighborhood in the past year is staggering, and means that instead of one instance of Christmas unicorns, this year every shop had pasted up in its windows snowflake decals and cutouts of Santa’s rosy visage.

Santa at the local drug store

Fake Christmas trees are ubiquitous.

Perturbed by this sudden outpouring of holiday cheer, I took to asking random people what they thought Christmas is. The answer I got was mostly, “I have no idea.”

Do you know who that fat guy with the white beard is?

Do you know who Jesus is?

Do you know why your shop manager is making you wear an ungainly red suit and jaunty little hat this week?

You can probably guess what the answer to these questions was.

It turns out that the fancy malls with international brands had got wind that what you do at this time of year is put up styrofoam snowmen in your stores and offer big discounts, and that this increases your business. Then, of course, all of the smaller shops wanted in on the game – so they did the same thing. And enough people here have seen American movies featuring Christmas that they know it’s some international, or at least Western, thing to do – so of course they want to participate.

In case you should think this is a weird, Christmas-specific phenomenon, think again. Why did every company in China have World Cup-themed ad campaigns over the summer, despite the fact that Chinese people don’t really like soccer and China wasn’t even in the World Cup? Because it was a big deal internationally, and China doesn’t like to be left out. Why was the Olympics the most massive event in post-1980’s Chinese history? Because hosting the Olympics means that your country has been recognized by the international community as being worthy of positive attention. Why is the Chinese government particularly mad about this year’s Nobel peace prize? Because the government freakin’ LOVES the Nobel prizes – international recognition of the highest order! Except when it doesn’t make you look so good.

So of course, with something as internationally massive as Christmas, being left out of the fun simply won’t do – even if none of your citizens have any clue what it’s all about, to the extent that signs saying Merry Christmas 2011! are all over the city, because people assume that it must be some sort of new year’s event.

In fairness, it seems as if a few local traditions have begun springing up around Christmas that I simply wasn’t aware of. For example, apparently in the past couple of years it has become tradition to sell very wet and messy cans of Silly String on the streets of Kunming in the couple days before Christmas. Then, on Christmas Eve, massive crowds gather in the streets and public squares around the center of the city (where I live) wearing Santa hats, and spray each other, and random foreign passersby, with the noxious stuff. I think it’s meant to resemble snow (not that it ever snows here).

Or anyway, this is what I found out after I had barricaded myself inside my apartment last night and looked at the local news. But did I know this when I was walking home after dinner? No. And so when a few jerky valet parking guys at a local karaoke bar started spraying me and RP with Silly String, did I accept it as just a bit of local fun? Uh, no.

Instead, I started beating them physically around the shoulders with my gloves, shouting WHAT! THE! FUCK!

(Not my most glorious moment, I admit. But I’m trying to be honest here.)

Anyway. You can probably tell that I’m pretty peeved about Christmas in Kunming. I hate the ignorant and superficial appropriation of other cultural groups’ traditions, and that is unfortunately what mainstream Han Chinese culture seems to specialize in. The only thing that’s saved me from intractable Scrooge-iness is having stayed up until 2:30am last night watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” – it really does make everything better.

So Merry Christmas from me to you! And China wishes you a Merry Christmas too, even if it’s not sure why.

8 thoughts on “Nobody Puts China in a Corner!

  1. Actually, I thought Christmas’ evolution as celebrated beyond the original religious reason has various cultures’ traditons wrapped in, not to mention smart government and merchant maneuvering to get drunk men off the streets and to get the women shopping! And, regarding how Christmas permeates the air everywhere, look at how Hanukah has been blown out of proportion and all kinds of distortions like “Hanukah bushes”, mega Menorahs in public places, major gift giving. TV and movies today absolutely depict Christmas as such a marvelous cozy, beautiful, with lots of shopping and family gathering event that who can blame all of the world’s non-believers from wanting some of the fun too🙂

      • That Chabadnik you and Ross met should consider it! I am curious to know when all the Xmas stuff was/will be removed in Kunming—it was EVERYWHERE in Vietnam, even as late as January 14th! Santas, trees, lighting…and while, as you know, there are some Catholics from the French missionary days, this was over the top, much as you describe.

      • I’m inclined to give Vietnam a pass on this one, after I saw a building on Park Avenue in NY with Christmas decorations up on November 1. Two weeks late is nothing compared to two months early!😀

  2. Well Jess if it’s any consolation, here in Jerusalem everyone has a perennial argument should /shouldn’t we celebrate NEW YEARS.
    The kids at school, the more masorati ones anyway, refuse in a bolshy manner and say “it’s not OUR new year, so why should we celebrate” whilst those of us expat teachers who miss childhood New Year celebrations even a bit tell them that since Israel uses both Hebrew and Gregorian calendars it is not an outright crime to party on Dec 31st. They call it Sylvester and I have no idea who he was.
    Anyhow, not much in the way of Christmas celebrations except in the Arab parts of town.

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