I just got something I’ve really been wanting: Starting in a couple months, I will be working at an international public health organization (hereafter referred to on this blog as XYZ) in Kunming, China, having been awarded a competitive fellowship. Theoretically, I know that this is extremely awesome. But here is how the process went for me (I would point out that this was a 4-month process, and that I am really not a patient person):
- Prior to finding out: Buzzing around with excitement! This increases EVERY SINGLE DAY UNTIL
- The day I find out: A quiet and satisfied calm settles over me. Life is beautiful. The world is my oyster, etc.
- Today: I want to hurl.
What happened today is that I got official confirmation of the offer, details started coming in about the start date (which is so, so soon) and visa process, I called my insurance company to find out about vaccine coverage (ahahahahahaha), and so on.
I had been having geeky fantasies about getting the job and writing this post, and using it as an opportunity to ruminate on getting what you’ve been going after – how this was basically de rigeur for me up until the age of about 20 but has been getting rarer and rarer since, boo hoo for me. Fortunately for you, I’m not quite up for writing that post since my head feels like it’s about to implode with logistical details and the now-unavoidable fact that I will be separated from boyfriend RP for a significant amount of time this summer. AGAIN.
Clearly, all that I can do in this situation is to burn off some of my energy by cleaning my apartment, finally cooking several chicken breasts that were beginning to go off (process: chop and stir-fry in lots of soy sauce until they are basically black, then nuke them in the microwave for some extra, bacteria-obliterating good measure) and baking a loaf of wheat bread.
The loaf, plus the evidence of what happens when you make your bread manually and buy everything you own from the 99-cent store across the street:
(I am not a baking, crocheting, fancy-photo-taking, homeschooling mommy blogger, I swear.)
I don’t think this is what getting what you want is supposed to feel like – but I’m sure once I iron out some of the details the full hapiness of this new twist in life will show itself. Joyful post to come.